


Bryn & Ken's Excellent Adventure

by ElleMeDit2016



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Adventure, Alternate Universe, Character Death, F/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-04
Updated: 2014-11-09
Packaged: 2018-02-24 03:22:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 20,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2566454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElleMeDit2016/pseuds/ElleMeDit2016
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The fate of The Company of Thorin Oakenshield is about to be changed by two girls from our world, who have been gifted with a second chance in middle earth. With their awkward, and at times, hilarious transition into their new lives they will learn what it means to be adults. This was originally written for FF with my best friend, Concrete Bubbles. Rated M for language and suggestive content.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. She Pushed Me. No, I didn't.

The sun stood, proudly, in the afternoon sky as the grove of trees known as the Trollshaws seemed undisturbed as most of the beings that lived amongst the woodland between the Mitheithel and Bruinen rivers went about every day life. But there was one thing that stood out like a sore thumb in the vast expanse of greenery, and that was a bed. Not the type of bed one would normally see around these parts. It was not a bed fashioned by a carpenter with broad wooden beams and pegs. It did not have a mattress filled with dusty, yellow straw or even the itchy wool shorn from sheep. No, this bed was rather extremely out of the ordinary for the frame was metal and the mattress was made of cotton, coils, and foam. Atop this queer bed was a nest of blankets and pillows, but a closer look revealed that there were also a pair of bodies that laid haphazardly tangled up within the mass of fabric. Whoever these two were they were strangers to the unfamiliar world around them and seemed none the wiser of their newfound surroundings.

A bird cawed from the top of a nearby pine tree causing one of the bodies to stir and from underneath a thick, red blanket a head of brown hair appeared. Blue eyes stilled riddled with sleep peaked up at the canopy of leaves. Blinking, rapidly in a desperate attempt to adjust to the daylight flooded them. Once the eyes could see past the glare of the afternoon sun, the brunette sat up and looked around mouth agape and eyes wide.

“What the fuck?” She whispered into the relative quiet of the wood before rubbing her eyes with hope that she was still in a dream. When that didn’t change anything she pinched her side and flinched. “Oh fuck.” She turned every way she could without getting off the bed mouth still hanging open. Without looking away from the trees that surrounded them, she reached over and smacked the form to her right. Another girl sprang into a sitting position revealing her mass of unruly blonde hair.

“The Hell?” The hiss in her voice was groggy with sleep. But as the blonde opened her green eyes and took a better look at her surroundings, she gasped and looked to her companion, “Uh, how drunk did we get last night?”

“Definitely not drunk enough to move my bed into the woods, I don’t even live near a tree. Let alone a freaking forest.” The brunette said still gawking.

“Just curious.” The blonde said, shrugged before closing her eyes, collapsing back into the mattress and rolling onto her side.

“You can’t seriously be going back to sleep.” The brunette said, her voice cracking when she reached an octave that is obviously not in her range. “We are in the middle of fucking nowhere!”

“Just shut up, Kenny, we’re obviously just dreaming. Go back to sleep we’ll wake up and we’ll be back in your room.” The blonde said, waving her friend off as she curled up into a tight, little ball.

“Well Bryn, if we’re dreaming then how are we having the same dream?” Kenny said. Her friend gave a noncommittal shrug. With a groan of indignation Kenny pushed Bryn out of the bed and onto the forest floor. After a moment of struggling to untangle herself from her blanket, Bryn’s red, angry face popped up over the side of the bed. There was a leaf stuck in her hair and dirt splattered upon her cheek and forehead.

Standing up, Bryn brushed off her pants with a displeased frown pulling at her lips, “What the hell was that for? That hurt.”

“If it were a dream it wouldn’t have hurt.” Kenny pointed out to the blonde with a condescending, but matter-of-fact tone in her voice.

“Well if it isn’t a dream how the hell did we get here?” Bryn demanded with a hiss.

“Ooo maybe while drinking last night we stumbled upon an interdimensional portal that transported us to a different world.” Kenny said, excitedly as she crawled into a kneeling position on the bed. Bryn rolled her eyes and gestured to the foresaid piece of furniture and inquired, skeptically, “With your bed, we fell in a portal with your bed?”

“Maybe portals act like ghosts or demons, that shit follows you home.” Kenny said, seriously.

“Sure it does.” It was Bryn’s turn to be condescending as she turned away and began to comb throw the undergrowth, “Okay, we need to find my phone so we can figure out where we are.”

“Phones won’t work in an alternate dimension.” Kenny said. “Besides you plugged your phone in last night. If only the bed came with us there’s no way either of our phones would have made the trip through.” The brunette, finally, climbed off the bed and began to walk around.

“Okay, so the phones weren’t on the bed, that doesn’t mean that we went through a portal. Your stupid roommates probably thought this was a hilarious prank and they drove us out here and left us.” Bryn said, as she began to pace back and forth trying to figure out how the pair had gotten into this predicament.

“Wrong-o, I live with a gay black man and druggie midget, neither of which are strong enough or smart enough to pull this off without leaving any evidence.” 

Bryn placed her hands upon her lips and frowned even more, “Whatever. Let’s just try to find some form of civilization. Maybe someone will have a phone we can use.”

“Not if we’re in an-” Kenny began but was almost instantly cut off by her friend.

“Shut up Kendall.” Bryn threw back over her shoulder as she started to walk away.

“Yo Brynnie, don’t you think we should take the pillows and blankets?” Kenny asked as she started folding the sheets and blankets up.

She turned around and gave her friend a confused look, “Uh- Why?”

“Well, we are lost. And by walking in one direction we could either get closer or farther from this civilization that you speak of, and if night comes I’m not going to be lying on the cold hard ground. I’m not Taylor Swift.” Kenny pointed out. Bryn opened her mouth to reply but shut it, much like a fish gasping out of water before walking back over to the bed help. After about twenty minutes they managed to make a makeshift backpack out of the fitted sheet and hair ties they had on their wrists. They put the blankets in the bag and carried the pillows and set off.

After walking for about ten minutes in silence, Kenny felt the urge to hammer out any details as to where they might be. So she voiced her thoughts to her friends as she jumped over a fallen limb in their path, “So let’s say it was a bad prank and we didn’t get sucked into an alternate dimension, where would we be?”

“I don’t know. The woods by 67 are the closest to your house.” Bryn stated after a moment of thought, stepping around the same limb.

“That’s like a thirty minute drive. There is no way we would have slept through that, especially if it was one of my roommates driving.” Kenny raised her eyebrow at her friends as she pointed out the facts that they both knew were true.

“Well, I don’t hear you coming up with any logical explanations.” Bryn shot a glare to her friend when she opened her mouth. “And no your ‘interdimensional portal theory’ does not count.”

“Buzz kill, I’m just trying to bring a little light to this otherwise dreary situation.” Kenny snorted before she continued to theorize their current predicament, “But for the sake of argument let’s say we did stumble into an-”

“Kendall Alice Porter, for the last fucking time, we did not fall into a fucking portal. We are still in the fucking continental United States. We are just lost and need to find a fucking phone. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. ” Bryn hissed, having grow tired of her friend’s preposterous notion that they had somehow been transported into some fantasy world or other dimension. This was real life. Climbing through a wardrobe or falling through a painting into Narnia didn’t happen. Portables into other worlds only existed in sci-fi, fantasy novels, and fan fiction.

“Jeeze, do you kiss your mother with that mouth Bryndle Fae Cassidy? What got your panties in a bunch?” Kenny asked. “And don’t use my full name, people might here you.”

Bryn didn’t comment as she gave her friend an incredulous look.

 “I hope to God people hear me. I don’t want to be stranded in the middle of the-“ She muttered before she pointed through the trees at clearing on the other side, “Hey, look there’s a road.”

“Looks more like a big patch of dirt.” Kenny muttered, examining the path after they had emerged from the thick undergrowth and bushes. The pair had reached the top of a steep hill where they found, unknown to them, the East-West Road. Bryn started to carefully ease on the decline but stopped when she noticed her Kenny wasn’t following.

“Well, are we going to go down or not?” Bryn inquired, expectantly, placing her hands upon her hips.

“I don’t know what if we meet some unsavory people, like cannibalistic meth addicts or zombified bath salt eaters?” Kenny asked.

Bryn rolled her eyes at her friends and scoffed, “You cannot be serious.”

“Fine but if you get rabies from some shady zombie-like crack addict don’t come crying to me.” Kenny said, stepping forward to take her own first step down the hill.

“Whatever, dumb ass. You’ve been spending too much time with your roommates.” Bryn huffed, shuffling her feet for a better grip.

“ _Dumbass?_ No, you’re the dumb ass.” Kenny said, reaching to grab a low, hanging branch for better leverage so that she could maintain her balance.

“I’m the dumbass? You’re the one who suggested we fell into an alternate universe.” Bryn shouted letting go of the branch she was holding.

“Well, you’re the close-minded bitch who can’t think outside the box.” Kenny said, letting go of her branch as well so they both stood and faced one another.

“You’re the bitch. If I had gone home, I wouldn’t have been roped into this ridiculous prank and I would be having breakfast right now instead of walking through the woods with you.” Bryn yelled, poking Kenny in the shoulder.

“Well gee, I’m sorry I bother you with my friendship and hospitality when we were out partying.” Kenny said, sarcastically.

“Oh, please, you would have stayed in all weekend if it wasn’t for me.” Bryn said, narrowing her eyes and placing her hands on her hips.

“HA! It’s your fault! You made me go out where we got drunk and you had to crash at my place if you didn’t you’d be home. So don’t blame me.” Kenny remarked with sly grin because she knew she was correct in her assessment.

“Ugh, just, get out of my way.” Bryn said, pushing past Kenny. However the brunette was unstable on the hillside and started to tip sideways.

With a delayed reaction, Kenny reached out and grabbed Bryn’s arm pulling them both down the side of the hill with the two pillows flying out of their free hands. They tumbled, violently, down the steep hillside and frantically trying to direct their bodies around the trees that seemed to fly toward them. Kendall reached the bottom of the hill first landing just to the side of the road. When she made to stand Bryn rolled the rest of the way taking Kendall’s knees out from under her causing the two to land in a pile of tangled limbs.

“God, your legs weigh a ton.” Bryn said, squirming from underneath Kendall.

“Well, maybe if you weren’t the size of a tree insect, you could handle a little bit more weight.” Kendall said rubbing the back of her head.

“I’m petite. I was born this way.” Bryn huffed, trying to collect herself amongst the pillows and her friend’s body.

“Whatever, Lady Gaga, get your foot off my hand.” Kendall said, pulling her arm free when Bryn moved her foot. The two rolled away from each other and sat up so they were facing one another. Bryn had since lost the dirt and leaves from her tumble out of the bed, but on the fall her hair began to resemble a bird’s nest with twigs and leaves and dirt tangled all in it. Kendall was not much better. Her hair being longer it caught more sticks than anything.

Bryn said with a snort, “You look like a freaking reindeer.”

“Oh, pot calling the kettle black. Get a mirror shorty you look like birds were trying to cling to your hair during a tornado.” Kendall said, beginning to laugh, heartily. Bryn began to laugh louder.

“Where do you come up with these descriptions?” Bryn asked, clutching her sides as she tried to catch her breath.

The two were laughing so loudly neither one noticed a company of men on horses heading their way.  They continued to laugh until the leader of the group stopped his horse right behind Kendall. Bryn stopped laughing immediately and began to look around. The company was beginning to surround the two girls and the leader on his horse. With a swift smack to the side of the head Kendall stopped laughing and looked around.

“Holy shit.” The girls were looking closely at the group of men that surrounded them. All of whom had large weapons, bows, axes and swords, all except the small man with no shoes and the giant old man in grey. The leader of the on the horse closest to the girls dismounted and walked toward the two. The girls scrambled to their feet and stood side-by-side facing the menacing looking man. He got close to them with his hand resting on the hilt of his sword. It was silent as he stood glowering at them.

“So, uh, where’s the Renaissance Fair?” Kendall asked and then winced when Bryn elbowed her side. “God, your elbows are like daggers.”

“Shut up. Bryn whispered, “You’re going to get us killed.”

“Oh, so now you worry about potential dangers on the road?” Kendall asked, “Good Lord, something is wrong with you.”

“Me? You’re the idiot who just asked an armed stranger where the Renaissance Fair was. Does he look like the type to go to a Renaissance Fair?” Bryn whispered back in hiss, her voice quiet so only Kendall could hear her.

“Well, you never know.” Kendall said, shrugging nonchalantly.

“Silence.” The leader of the group commanded, his voice was deep and authoritative causing both girls to snap their attention back to him. They had momentarily forgotten that he was so close to them.

“Who are you and what are you doing?” He asked, harshly as his pale, blue eyes narrowed as he looked over them.

“Sorry sir, we’re just lost. We don’t know where we are.” Bryn said to the strange man.

“That’s redundant.” Kendall muttered under her breath.

“Shut up smart ass.” Bryn said before turning back to the stranger. “Anyway, we were wondering if you know where the nearest city, or town is?”

“I do believe the nearest city is Rivendell.” The girls were startled when it wasn’t the stranger in front of them that answered the question but the older man dressed in a grey, billowy robe with his large pointy hat and his elaborate walking stick his wrinkled face smiled down at the two of them. The two girls both wore similar shocked expressions. They stared at the elder giant in incomprehensible dumbfoundedness.

“Rivendell? As in the Elven city of Rivendell?” Kendall asked, being the first to recover from the initial shock of the familiar stranger standing before them.

“Yes, my dear the very same.” The grey giant replied.

“So elves are real?” She asked.

The old man chuckled as a small smile grew upon his lips, “Yes, my dear child, they are most certainly real.”

“And, if I may be so bold to ask, who are you?” Kendall asked.

“I, am Gandalf the Grey.” The wizard said sitting straighter in his saddle. A satisfied smirk began to form on Kendall’s face as she turned to her friend. Bryn’s face slowly morphed from shock to irritation as she looked at her grinning friend.

“Hey Brynnie, I was right.” Kendall grinned toothily as her friend glared, nastily.

“Oh my God shut up.”


	2. We Are Not From Narnia

“ _Hey Brynnie, I was right.” Kendall grinned, toothily as her friend glared, nastily._

_“Oh my God shut up.”_

 

The company of dwarves, as they now realized they were dwarves, began to chuckle quietly with the exception of a few, until the leader once again silenced them all. If it was possible he got even closer to the girls, his hand gripping tightly on the hilt of his sword. Through gritted teeth he seethed at them. “I will not ask you again, who are you?”

 

“But you just did.” Kenny pointed out.

 

“Oh my God shut up.” Bryn hissed.

 

He growled angrily at them, eyes blazing like blue fire. Bryn swallows loudly, before she leans in to whisper in Kenny’s ear, “Just tell him.” With a groan and an eye roll Kenny looked up at the man who was becoming increasingly irate.

 

“I’m Kendall, and this is Bryndle, and we already know Gandalf, so who are you?” The former revealed, gesturing between the pair to specify who was who.

 

“I don’t need to answer to you.” He snapped as he made a move to turn away from the strange girls and towards his company.

 

“Well it’s only common courtesy, when you meet new people you generally exchange names.” Kendall stated as she crossed her arms over her chest. Bryn proceeded to smack her hand to her face.

 

The grey wizard had been watching the conversation from the side and the more that he watched the girls, the more he felt that they were needed on their quest. So he took it upon himself to step in, “Now, Thorin, what kind of man would this make you if you left two maidens stranded in the middle of the Trollshaws with nothing to defend themselves with?”

 

The shorter man whirled around to confront Gandalf, “It is not my concern what happens to these girls and it should not concern them as to who I might be.”

 

“I believe it would be best that we escort them to Rivendell.” Gandalf insisted, towering over the darker man. The air around the wizard seemed to crackle with magic and the display seemed to cause the other man to back down.

 

With an exasperated sigh, the leader of the company turned back to Bryn and Ken. He bowed mockingly, before introducing himself through gritted teeth, “My name is Thorin Oakenshield. I am the leader of this company and as the wizard so dutifully pointed out, it would be best if you accompanied us to Rivendell.”

 

“Somebody just got told.” Ken whispered to Bryn as Thorin turned back to his company and began to bark orders to his men, “Nori, Bofur, they will be riding with you.” He seemed to growl out the sentence, as if it was physically paining him. The dwarves in question nodded in Thorin’s direction, and trotted their ponies forward.

 

“Dibbs on the one in the hat.” Bryn called, quickly, picking up her pillow and charging forward towards the dwarf mentioned astride an off white pony.

 

The aforementioned dwarf with the hat plucked the pillow from Bryn’s hands and laced it amongst his own things before offering the blonde a hand to climb upon his pony, “Name’s Bofur. But I didn’t quite catch yours, lass.”

 

“Bryndle. But call me, Bryn. Everyone else does.” She informed the pigtailed dwarf as she settled down in the saddle behind him. Kendall rolled her eyes not moving from her original spot. After a second she noticed the company stare at her expectantly. She shook her head and gathered her blankets, sheets and pillow and walked up to the man with hair shaped like a starfish.

“Sup?” She asked with an upward nod of her head. He gave her an odd look as if she were speaking a different language, before taking her things and shoving most of it into his saddlebags. He then grabbed the back of her shirt and hauled her onto the back of his light bay pony.

 

“Whoa there Starwish, don’t get too ahead of yourself.” He gave a confused chuckle and started his pony forward with the rest of the group. “So, forgive my short attention span, but what is your name again?” Kendall asked, leaning into the rider.

 

“Nori.” He said, gruffly.

 

“You don’t talk much do you?” Kendall asked, nonchalantly, attempting to start a conversation to entertain herself like she would’ve done on any trip.

 

“No.”

 

Kendall pouted when he didn’t seem willing to speak, “Well, that’s boring.” She shifted in the saddle to see around Nori’s hair.

 

“Yo, Brynnie,” Kendall yelled across the short distance, “How’s your escort doing with conversation?”

 

“Fine.” Bryn responded in a normal volume, now adorning Bofur’s hat. Of course, her short reply was enough to make the brunette girl groan in frustration. But the cheerful voice of the blonde’s riding partner soon perked up Kendall’s mood, “Aye, the lass has been quite amusing. But if you don’t mind, I have to ask, how did you come across such queer attire? Shouldn’t proper lasses such as yourselves be wearin’ other-“

 

“’Proper lasses’?” The girls snorted in unison, chuckling at the notion of them being anything close to ‘proper’. Kendall shared a looked with her friend before she gestured between the pair, “What makes you think that this imp and I are proper?”

 

The miner stroked his mustache in thought as he mulled over how he should respond. After a moment or two, he shrugged, “I suppose you’re right. I’ve just never seen clothes like what you’re wearin’.”

 

The girls shared another look, trying to decide how they were going to explain their attire to someone who lived in middle earth and had a different sense of modesty. They continued their silent conversation between them until Kendall, decided to speak up, “Well, it might not be common around here but where we come from it’s actually a normality. Right, Bryn?”

 

The blonde nodded in agreement even if the dwarf in front of her couldn’t see her reaction, but then added, “Well, some people dress more scantily than we do.”

 

“True that. Did you see that one who was practically-” Kendall began but was immediately cut off by Bryn.

 

“Seriously have some class, don’t share that stuff.” Bryn rolled her eyes and glared at her friend.

 

“Puh-lease, I reek of decorum.” Kenny preened, causing the blonde to roll her eyes. Nori, however, chuckled, deeply.

 

“Pardon me, but where exactly do the two of you come from,” A new voice asked as an elderly white haired dwarf with an extremely long beard inserted himself into the conversation. He had a kind, gentle face sort of like your favorite grandpa or maybe even Santa Claus. Overall, he looked like a rather pleasant individual. He offered the girls a kind smile and then added, “Balin, at your service.”

 

Both Bryn and Kenny weren’t quite sure of how to proceed with answering Balin’s question, especially with the added pressure that all available eyes and ears of the company had tuned in. It might not have been extremely apparent but most of dwarves were interested in finding out where these two strange girls had come from. None of them had ever seen a girl or woman dressed the way they dressed or even spoke the way they spoke.

 

The pair assumed another one of their silent conversations and from an outsider’s perspective it appeared that they were having an argument without words. It became very apparent to the others in the company that these two could be sisters, but judging by the differences in their looks they weren’t related. But when the blonde sent a stern look to the brunette that clearly conveyed that the latter of the two better get to talking.

 

Rolling her eyes at her friend, Kendall scratched the back of her head trying to think of something on the spot, “Well, we are from… We’re from a place far, far away.”

 

“Oh my god, Kenny, I think they’ve gathered that so far.” Bryn interjected, “Don’t go there either.”

 

The blonde knew that her friend was trying to channel her inner Star Wars fan by modifying the famous introduction to veil the truth about their origins. But Bryn regretted telling her no when Kendall’s face shifted into that of fierce determination and defiance.

 

“Yes, we are from a land far away. We came from across the sea, from a place called Alderaan. We managed to get out before the Imperial Army destroyed it.” Kendall sent a glare toward Bryn, who was staring at her open mouthed. “We’ve been lost for days, just wandering around. But we knew we had to carry on, there’d be peace when we were done. We could lay our weary heads to rest. We didn’t want to cry anymore.” Kendall ended solemnly.

 

“Kansas? You’re quoting Kansas.” Bryn asked, incredulously, “No, that is not what happened.”

 

Kendall huffed and sent a pointed glare Bryn’s way, “Well, I don’t see you stepping up to the plate, so why don’t you just keep quite and let me talk.”

 

“I’d rather you let me, after hearing the train wreck you came up with.”

                                                                                                    

“Fine,” Kendall shrugged, gesturing for Bryn to take the lead, who rolled her eyes at her friend before she informed the company of where they came from, “We’re from Narnia.”

 

“ _NARNIA?!_ ” Kendall shouted. Bryn only shrugged and glared.

 

“No, we’re not from Narnia, either.” Kendall said.

 

“Why don’t you start telling the truth, before we tie you up and leave you for the crows?” Thorin’s voice floated back toward them, not loud, yet undeniably frightening.

 

“Uh, well we’re from America.” Kendall muttered.

 

“America? Where is this land?” Another new voice joined in causing both girls to look behind them as a pair of younger dwarves trotted their ponies up beside them. Kendall had to do a discount double take on the scruffy faced, brunette dwarf that appeared next to Nori’s pony. In her mind, he could only be akin to Adonis when he flashed a pearly smile at her.

 

Kendall opened her mouth to speak but no words could come out as she continued to gawk at the weirdly pretty, young dwarf. And the only thought that popped up in her mind was, ‘Hellooooo Nurse.’

 

Fortunately for her, Bryn wasn’t faring much better as a curly blonde dwarf, that kind of looked like Ryan Gosling with long hair and a braided mustache, pulled up beside Bofur’s pony. She was trying not to drool all over herself.

 

The two dwarves shared a smirk from across the path at each before they introduced themselves to the girls. The blonde riding next to Bryn went first, “Fíli.” Then the brunette, “And Kíli.” And then in unison, “At your service.”

 

“Kendall, at _your_ service.” The female brunette couldn’t help but flirt back a little with Kíli.

 

“Bryndle, but call me, Bryn.” The blondes shared a smile as Bryn reached out to shake Fíli’s hand like the awkward person she was. Fíli appeared unaccustomed to her gesture so he, merely, let it happen.

 

“So where is America?” Kíli inquired, getting back to the previous topic.

 

The girls shared a look and Kendall clarified with a shrug, “It’s far to the North across the sea. It’s not all that exciting.”

 

“What are you doing over in Arda?” Fíli inquired, deciding to join in on the conversation as well.

 

The girls shared a look again and this time it was Bryn who spoke, “We grew bored so we decided when we came of age we were going to go see what else there was in this world.” Kendall had to refrain from rolling her eyes at her friend’s lack of imagination, still believing her Star Wars story was much more entertaining. Bryn looked over and glared at Kendall as if reading her mind.

 

“How did you end up in the Trollshaws?” Kíli asked.

 

“We got lost.” Bryn shrugged, trying not to look at anyone because she knew that she was a bad liar.

 

“You don’t look like you’ve been traveling.” Fíli observed as he looked over Bryn’s relatively clean outfit.

 

“Well, we had been staying with this man named Hagrid and his wife Minerva, but we got separated just the other day so we’ve been wandering around since.” If anyone had been looking at Bryn while Kendall was speaking they would have seen the disgust and disbelief on her face, instantly trapping them in their lie. And if the girls had looked to Gandalf they would have seen his knowing expression. But luckily no one was looking where they should have.

 

“So have you enjoyed yourself so far?” Bofur asked, his pigtails sticking out oddly from his head.

 

“Other than getting lost and being pushed down a hill, not too bad.” Kendall noted, as she pretended to brush dirt off her shoulder.

 

“I did not push you. You fell and dragged me down with you.” Bryn argued.

 

“Whatever, think what you will.” Kendall waved off the blonde, “So who are the rest of you guys?”

 

Bofur withheld his need to laugh at the pair, and pointed to each one as he answered, “Well, you know the group of us, Thorin and Gandalf. That there with the mane of red hair is Glóin, he’s next to his brother, Óin, with that damned ear trumpet. The big, mostly bald one with the battle-axes strapped to his back and the scary face is Balin’s younger brother, Dwalin. That fat one is my brother Bombur, and the one with the axe in his head is my cousin Bifur.”

 

Kíli then jumped in, “Then you have Dori, and Ori, they’re Nori’s brothers.”

 

“Ori’s the youngest.” Fíli clarified. “And we can’t forget our burglar.”

 

“Mr. Boggins.” Kíli grinned so brightly that it made Kendall blink, stupidly, for a moment.

 

“It’s Mr. Baggins, Bilbo Baggins.” A meek voice corrected the young dwarf from somewhere behind them which caused the girls turned to look to see who had spoken up.

 

“You’re a hobbit.” Bryn exclaimed, excitedly because she had always had an affinity for hobbits because she had always been short for a human and enjoyed walking around barefoot.

 

“Yes, I am.” He replied, tiredly, looking more disheveled than the rest of the group as he, awkwardly clung to the reins of his pony.

 

“Do you know where the Green Dragon is?” Bryn asked, not being dissuaded by his disinterest.

 

“Yes, I do.” He confirmed, quickly as he tried to dismiss himself from the conversation. But his efforts were dismembered as the other girl butted in.

 

“We know the Green Dragon song!” Kendall exclaimed. She looked over at her friend and they wore matching grins.

 

_“You can search far and wide,_

_You can drink the whole town dry._

_But you’ll never find a beer so brown_

_As the one we drink in our hometown._

_You can drink your fancy ales._

_You can drink ‘em by the flagon._

_But the only brew for the brave and true_

_Comes from the Green Dragon.”_

 

The dwarves around them clapped when the girls finished the tavern song with the best bows that they could manage on the back of their ponies. They shared a grin when they noticed that the group that had gathered around them appeared to be a little bit more upbeat than they were before. The only ones, who seemed to not enjoy the song, were Thorin and the Halfling.

 

“You are not a happy hobbit.” Kendall stated when she saw Bilbo’s bland face.

 

“No, I am not.” He deadpanned, rubbing a hand over his face in dismay.

 

“Not very talkative either.” Bryn muttered. Bofur chuckled as he pulled out his pipe and began to puff on it.

 

“So you lasses like to sing, do ya?” Bofur asked as smoke trailing out from his mouth.

 

“Yeah, we sing all the time.” Kendall said, grinning as she thought of all the times she and Bryn had sang at the top of their lungs in the car or wherever they went. Singing songs were some of the fondest memories they had together as well as some of the most entertaining.

 

“Well, sing us something from where you’re from.” He suggested. The two girls shared a look and a grin.

 

“Hmm, what shall we sing?” Kendall asked Bryn with a contemplative look. “Journey?”

 

“Nah, Queen?” Bryn suggested with a smirk.

 

“Not this time. Don McLean?” Kendall offered instead.

 

“Sounds fitting.” She agreed, as her smirk grew into a full on grin. Kendal held up a hand and counted off; one, two, three, and together they sang.

 

“ _A long, long time ago_  
I can still remember how that music used to make me smile  
And I knew if I had my chance  
That I could make those people dance  
And maybe they'd be happy for a while  
  
But February made me shiver  
With every paper I'd deliver  
Bad news on the doorstep  
I couldn't take one more step  
  
I can't remember if I cried  
When I read about his widowed bride  
But something touched me deep inside  
The day the music died  
  
So bye-bye, Miss American Pie  
Drove my Chevy to the levee, but the levee was dry  
And them good old boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye  
Singin' ‘This'll be the day that I die  
This'll be the day that I die’"

 

“Time for bonding is over, we shall make camp here.” Thorin’s voice resonated through the trees. The group began to dismount as they came upon a clearing with an old, run down stone cottage that looked weathered beyond repair. It appeared to have once been a farmhouse and but judging by the deterioration of the structure it had been a long time since it had been used for any kind of purpose.

 

Before everyone’s feet had hit the ground, he began to bark out orders to get the campsite set up before dark. Bryn and Kendall did what they could to help, which wasn’t much. They mostly just tried not to get in anyone’s way. The two girls sat in silence as they watched the dwarves work, quickly and efficiently and they were so caught up in watching them work that they didn’t notice Gandalf storm off until Bilbo’s voice broke their train of thought,

 

“Is everything alright? Gandalf, where are you going?”

 

The girls looked up to see Gandalf’s back moving away from the camp as he spoke, “To seek the company of the only one around here who’s got any sense.”

 

Sharing a look, Bryn and Kendall figured that Gandalf and Thorin must have gotten into an argument over something. But who knew with the way that dwarf acted. So they only shrugged to another when they couldn’t think of an answer as to what had gone on between the two. So they turned their attention back to the Halfling, who was obviously trying to get Gandalf to stay, “Who’s that?”

 

“Myself, Mr. Baggins. I’ve had enough of dwarves for one day.” He declared the smaller man as he disappeared into the forest just beyond the campsite.

 

The rest of the camp looked after the wizard had gone, unsure of how to react to what had transpired until Thorin’s voice reined them back to work, “Come on, Bombur, we’re hungry.”


	3. We Are Human People

Bryn and Kenny sat off to the side; far enough away that an outsider would know they were not part of the group, yet close enough to still feel the warmth of the fire. They were not expecting it, when Bombur waddled up to them with two bowls. Saying their thanks they hungrily began to stuff their faces. They paused, however, when the attractive brothers broke through the tree line.

“Trolls have taken the ponies.” The blonde one, Fíli said, looking to Thorin for instruction as to what to do next.

“Where’s Bilbo?” Bofur asked with a hint of concern showing through his normally cheerful features.

“He’s distracting them.” Kíli said.

“How many ponies have been taken?” Thorin demanded as he looked to Fíli. The dwarf in question didn’t miss a beat and responded, quickly, “Four I believe.”

“Right, lead the way.” Thorin said heading off in the direction the brothers had come from. But he paused at the tree line and looked back at the girls with a stern glare, “You two,” they balked in fear. “Go watch the ponies.” The girls got up and made their way to the open area where the ponies grazed once the company had disappeared though the trees.

“If the ponies are being taken by trolls, do you think Thorin is trying to get us captured by having us watch them?” Kendall asked, sitting down and pulling at a couple blades of grass. Bryn looked to the ground then at her pants, before begrudgingly sitting next to her friend.

“I don’t know maybe. He doesn’t seem overly excited that we’re here.”

“Maybe he thinks he can get rid of us while Gandalf’s gone. Then when he comes back, Thorin will be like, ‘oops they got eaten by a troll.’” Kendall said sarcastically. Bryn rolled her eyes and looked across at the ponies, “Well, at least he asked us to do something, instead of having us distract the trolls. I’d much rather be watching the ponies.”

Kendall looked, curiously at her friend, “Why do they call them ponies?”

Bryn gave her an are-you-stupid look as she rolled her eyes, “Because they are ponies.”

“But they’re not small.” Kendall pointed out. She was still confused as to why grown men would need to be riding ponies. Shouldn’t they be riding horses like normal people?

“Yes, they are.” Bryn disagreed before inquiring, “Why do you think the dwarves look normal riding them?”

“Dwarves? They’re dwarves?” Kendall asked as a look of utter shock morphed her face, “But they’re not tiny. They’re ‘normal’ people size.”

“No, they’re not.” Bryn shook her head as she looked over the ponies.

“Then why aren’t we taller than them?” Kendall wondered aloud and looked to her friend for an explanation.

“I don’t know maybe your ‘interdimensional portal’ shrank us.” Bryn shrugged, condescendingly.

Kendall rolled her eyes as her friend dissed her theory and then inquired, “So that’s why Gandalf is so huge?”

“Yes, you dense mother fucker.” Bryn said, trying to bite back a laugh at her oblivious friend.

“I can’t believe this.” Kendall said, shaking her head as she stared at the ground. Denial was already beginning to set in for the brunette. Being short was something that Kendall wasn’t used to like her petite friend, who had been rather small all of her life.

“Really, you can fathom that we fell into an alternate universe, that was we thought was a figment of Tolkien’s imagination, but you can’t comprehend the thought that we shrunk?” Bryn asked in disbelief as she raised an accusing eyebrow at her friend.

“I’ve never been short before.” Kendall muttered, pathetically. Bryn rolled her eyes. “It’s not all that bad.” She said.

Kendall scoffed at her friend, “Not that bad? You’ve had your whole life to get used to being short. I’ve been above average for 18 years, I can’t deal with it.”

“Well, you’re tall for a dwarf.” Bryn snickered. Kendall shot her a glare and frowned, “Not funny.”

The two were interrupted for a moment as the four ponies that were taken by the trolls galloped into the clearing at break neck speed. Bryn stood and brushed off her pants, “Well, I guess they’ll be coming back soon.”

However, the dwarves did not emerge from the brush after the newly freed ponies. So the girls sat and waited for them to return. Surely, they would return shortly after freeing their stolen ponies. It wouldn’t have been that hard to deal with a couple of trolls when there were thirteen dwarves and a hobbit. The numbers were in the company’s favor and they probably had more brains put together to out smart them. But, after a half hour the girls started to get worried.

“Where do you think they are?” Kendall asked, walking up to Bryn, who had walked off to start counting the ponies to make sure that none had wondered off or had gotten spooked by the returning nags.

“I don’t know but they couldn’t have left, not without the ponies.” The shorter girl looked up at her friend with a shrug.

“Frodo managed without a pony.” Kendall pointed out as she recalled how the hobbit had made it to Mordor on foot in the _‘Lord of the Rings’_. Bryn rolled her eyes once again and waved her friend in the direction of the camp, “Then go see if they went back to camp.”

Kendall shot Bryn a look at her order, but set off toward camp through the small cluster of trees that separated them. All she saw was the dying fire and scattering of the dwarves belongings. Curiously, the brunette made her way back to Bryn and the ponies.

“They aren’t there.”

“Shit, did they get captured?” Bryn asked. They gave each other a sharp look before dashing off in the direction where the trolls supposedly had their fire. They heard voices and saw the light of the fire pit. Hiding behind a rock Kendall and Bryn peaked around to see what was happening. Half the company was tied up in big burlap sacks, and the other half was being slow roasted rotisserie style above the flame. But the three large mountain trolls had their attention to Bilbo, who had hopped up and was attempting to distract them from eating the company.

“They’ve got worms in their tubes!”

The company began to protest the hobbit’s statement. They couldn’t see that he was trying to buy them some time and trick the trolls into giving the dwarves up. The girls rolled their eyes when they heard the dwarves suddenly change their tune as they realized what Bilbo was trying to do.

“I’ve got parasites as big as my arms!” Óin declared.

Kíli also joined in speaking as loudly above the others as he could, “Mine are the biggest parasites! I’ve got huge parasites!”

The large troll in the middle then turned to Bilbo and asked him, “What would you have us do then? Let ‘em all go?”

Bilbo looked, sheepishly up at the ugly creature and shrugged, “Well…”

The girls shared at look, knowing that this was going to turn into a disaster soon if something didn’t happen soon. Bilbo’s plan was quickly falling apart before them and they were running out of options. Kendall knew that they had to help but she didn’t know how. The brunette felt panic rise in her chest as the troll poked Bilbo in the chest, “Shit! What do we do?”

“I have a plan.” Bryn announced to her companion with a look.

Kendall turned and looked towards her friend, expectantly, “Great! What is it?”

“This.” Bryn said, giving her friend a shove with far more force than someone of her size should have been able to muster. Kendall rolled backwards down the slope and over the bound dwarves, landing on her back right next to the fire in front of a massive troll. For a moment, nobody moved or spoke as Kendall pulled herself into a standing position. She glared in the general direction of Bryn’s hiding spot before turning to face the three gob smacked trolls.

“Sup?” She said with a head nod.

“Who are you?” one of the trolls asked, a stupid expression only fit to be upon his stupid face.

Another troll leaned forward, eagerly and asked, “Can we eat it?”

“No, you cannot eat me.” Kendall rebuked, placing her hands on her hips. Oddly enough this comment stumped the trolls.

“Why not?” the third one asked.

“Because, I’m a lady,” Kendall heard snickering off to the side. She quickly glanced over to see Bryn crouched over trying to undo one of the dwarf’s bindings and then continued, “A lady of the Order of the Phoenix, and as such, my blood has turned to poison. So if you value your lives, you would do well to let the dwarves go.” Kendall could practically feel Bryn’s eyes roll.

“Why would we do sumtan’ like that?” The middle troll asked as he looked down the odd girl, skeptically.

“Because I have been charged with the fate of these dwarves, the high Mugwump of the Wizengamot has decreed that they shall suffer a death of infection. I have already distributed the poison and now they are tainted. If you consume them, you shall also perish.” Kendall spoke with such conviction even some of the dwarves were frightened. But all of the tension was lost the moment Bryn let a laugh break loose.

The troll on the left then declared and made a move to poke Kendall,  “Oi! This one’s playin’ us for fools.” He continued and reached for Bryn, “And she brought another one.” The blonde tried to scramble back away from the troll’s dirty hand but couldn’t get her footing quickly enough. The right troll grabbed onto Kendall and the left grabbed Bryn and they were both hauled into the air.

“The dawn will take you all!” Everyone looked up to Gandalf as he stood upon a large rock.

“Who’s that?” The troll still turning the dwarves on the spit asked.

“Can we eat him too?” The troll holding Bryn asked. Gandalf suddenly hit the large boulder and split it in two. Sunlight came streaming into the area. The trolls began to scream and turn to stone with the girls still in their grasps.

“Way to go dumb ass.” Kendall hissed glaring at her friend as the two were held suspended feet above the ground. Bryn had the decency to look sheepish, her face coloring slightly. Slowly, the dwarves untied themselves with the help of Gandalf and began to gather their belongings. Laughing, slightly Kíli and Fíli walked up to the girls as they adjusted their weapons back into their usual places.

“That was brilliant.” Kíli informed the girls as he cast a look up to Kendall, who blushed 50 shades of red at his compliment.

Fíli nodded his head in agreement to what his brother was saying, but then inquired, “But we must ask, you didn’t really poison us did you?”

“No, you dolt, that was total bull shit.” Kendall dismissed with a snort.

“How did you make it sound so convincing?” Kíli questioned.

“Well… Until Bryndle, over here laughed.” Fíli pointed out as he sent a wry smile up at the other girl. The blonde bowed her head in an attempt to hide her embarrassment but failed to hide the flush on her face because her arms were still pinned within the troll’s stony hand. Kendall raised an eyebrow at her friend’s reaction but then turned back to address Kíli.

“I read a lot. It enhances my imagination.” She grinned. But her grin dropped as Gandalf and Thorin made their way over to the pair. But they both relaxed when the wizard struck the trolls’ arms with his staff causing the stone to crumble and the girls to fall to the ground. The girls collapsed back onto their buts from the force of the fall, but they stood up, quickly and began to brush themselves off.

“It appears, you three had the right idea.” Gandalf said smiling down at the two girls and Bilbo, who stood not to far away from them.

“Well, I don’t like to brag…” Kendall said, as she began to preen about her wits but was cut off by Bryn as she immediately protested her statement, “It was my idea.”

“No, it wasn’t.” Kendall scoffed and placed her hands upon her hips, as she sent a pointed look across to the blonde, “You pushed me into a hostile area with only my wit as a weapon.”

“Yeah, my idea, because I knew you could think quicker than me.” Bryn pointed out with a shrug.

Kendall rolled her eyes as she waved her friend off, “Whatever, I’m still the brains of this operation.”

“You didn’t even realize they were dwarves until I pointed it out to you. How does that make you the brains?” Bryn inquired as she folded her arms over her chest and raised an eyebrow in the brunette’s direction. As the girls continued to bicker, they didn’t notice that some of the company had left to find the cave that trolls must have been staying in. What was left of the group began walking back to the campsite intent on packing up their belongings and moving on.

“You didn’t know we were dwarves?” Fíli asked, skeptically.

“Uh, no. I thought dwarves would be shorter.” Kendall informed him, rubbing the back of her neck in embarrassment as she turned to face him. Bryn snorted and shook her head at her friend’s explanation.

Kíli looked between the two for a moment before asking, “Well, you’re obviously not dwarves. What are you then?”

“We’re people.” Bryn offered, lamely which caused Kendall gave her an odd look. Bryn frowned for a moment before she went on to clarify, “Uh, human?”

“You two are awfully short for humans.” Bilbo observed as he made his way over to join in on the conversation.

“You’re one to talk, hobbit.” Kendall pointed out as she cast the Halfling a sideways glance.

Bryn didn’t hesitate as she went to excuse her friend’s bitterness, “Don’t pay her any mind, she’s not used to being one of the shorter ones in a group.”

“Why are you so short?” Fíli asked looking them over.

“I guess people are just shorter where we’re from.” Kendall said with a shrug.

With that their small group began to make their way back towards the camp and began to pack everything they could into their packs. Once they had completed that task, they lugged everyone’s things back to where the troll horde was supposedly located. The girls were met by Bofur and Nori, whom they had started to bond with on their daylong pony ride.

“Here, we thought you might need these.” Nori began as he held up a bow and quiver filled with arrows for Kendall to take. Bofur then added with a laugh as he offered Bryn a pair of daggers, “Just so if you get in another tricky situation you won’t be as easily caught.”

Bryn accepted the two daggers from Bofur and Kendall all but snatched the bow and arrows from Nori. The two were quiet for a moment as they inspected their new weapons. Bryn’s knives appeared to have been crafted by rather skilled smith, but their origin could not be determined. While Kendall’s bow had been elegantly craved and tillered by wood elves.

“I held my own quite nicely for not having a weapon. If it wasn’t for chuckle nut over there I could have stalled until dawn.” Kendall said haughtily as she fashioned the quiver over her shoulder.

“Well, you didn’t know they’d turn to stone.” Bryn pointed out, waving her new daggers around. Kendall and the dwarves jumped away when one almost flew out of her hand. Shaking her head at her friend, Kendall responded. “Either way, I could have done it.”

“Sure.” Bryn said, disbelievingly, as she buckled the daggers’ sheath around her waist like a belt.

“Hey, just because you knew it was bull, doesn’t mean those shit for brains did.” Kendall argued. Bryn laughed at her friend and began to walk away. “And we need to work on your poker face.” Kendall said following her. The group of dwarves just looked after them curiously.

“Something’s coming.” Someone shouted.

“Stay together.” Gandalf commanded, the girls didn’t think twice before latching on to one another. “Hurry now, arm yourselves.” The wizard continued. The girls looked dumbly down at their weapons.

“Stick them with the pointy end?” Kendall said with a forced laugh.

“Yeah, but if we make it through this, you need to learn how to aim.” Bryn said. The two girls followed the group away from the cave. They stopped in a small clearing in the dense woods and prepared for the worse as a loud rustling tore through the trees. Within a few moments a large sled pulled by a dozen rabbits broke through trees and bushes and came to a stop in front of them. A dirty crazed looking man stood on the sled shouting incomprehensibly. The whole group was tense, except for Gandalf who greeted this strange, homeless looking man, with a kind of fondness. “Radagast, Radagast the Brown.” He said stepping forward.

“Drugs, not even once.” Kendall said. Bryn grinned from her spot to her right and then inquired, “What do you think his drug of choice is?”

“Although, he’s paranoid enough for it. I don’t think its weed.” Kendall said as she watched the brown-cloaked wizard as she noticed bird crap was coating the left side of his face.

“Crack?” Bryn suggested.

“Nah, too intense. What’s a basic drug you can get in the middle of the woods?” Kendall asked looking at Bryn. A second later they both grinned and said together,

“Shrooms.”

The two began to giggle as Kendall began to quote one of the web shows they used to watch together, “It’s going to take a lot more than tea to get all the water out of this boat I’m suddenly in.”

But their laughter was soon brought to a halt as they watched with disgust twisting their faces as Radagast pulled a stick bug out of his mouth. The girls shuddered and didn’t even dare to wonder how this strange wizard had ended up with an insect in his mouth. Sure, he looked like a hippie hobo but that didn’t mean he had to offer himself as a home for small organisms right?

“Ew, did he just pull a bug out of his mouth?” Kendall asked.

“That might be grosser than the trolls.” Bryn declared, pretending to retch on her friend, who recoiled laughing. The two sat laughing for a while Bofur soon joining their merriment and lighting up his pipe, not knowing how long they would be there while Radagast and Gandalf spoke. Bryn looked curiously at the pipe. After a moment Bofur raised an eyebrow at her in question.

“Can I try?” She asked innocently.

Kendall rolled her eyes at her friend knowing that, especially while drunk, she could smoke like a chimney. Bofur nodded and passed the pipe, where Bryn inhaled so strongly Kendall thought she would go cross-eyed. Bryn exhaled and passed the pipe back and after noticing her friends judging look she stuck out her tongue, causing Kendall to laugh once more.

Suddenly a howl sounded in the distance. Bofur jumped to his feet and grabbed his pickaxe. All the other dwarves also sprang into action, grasping onto their respective weapons and as they prepared to strike at whatever beast who dared to draw too close to their vicinity.

“Was that a wolf? Are there wolves out there?” Bilbo asked as he frantically looked around in search of the source of the sound.

“Wolves? No, that is not a wolf?” Bofur said, also looking around. There was a low growl and huge wolf like beast leapt into the clearing and tackled Dwalin to the ground. Thorin, instantly, took a swipe at it with his large sword. Another one came up behind Thorin and Kili let loose an arrow into the beast’s hide where Dwalin finished it off with his axe.

“Warg scouts.” Thorin growled as he ripped his sword out of the first warg’s neck. “Which means an orc pack is not far behind.”

“Orc pack?” Bilbo gulped, nervously. At this point, the hobbit was practically trembling in fear.

Gandalf turned to face the company’s leader and demanded, “Who did you tell about your quest, beyond your kin?”

“No one.”

“Who did you tell?!” The wizard continued to shout.

“No one, I swear.” Thorin insisted. “What in Durin’s name is going on?”

“You are being hunted.” He said simply.

“We are so gonna die today.” Bryn said. Kendall nodded in agreement.

“We have to get out of here.” Dwalin said.

“We can’t, we don’t have any ponies, and they bolted.” Ori said, running toward the rest of the company.

But Radagast stepped up with a determined look upon his face, “I’ll draw them off.”

“Oh great the drugged up woodland fairy is going to distract a bunch of blood thirsty demon wolves.” Kendall said, sarcastically.

“Well, you know they use rabbits to start dog races.” Bryn reminded the brunette.

“True that.” The two had to jump back as the sleigh team of rabbits took off with Radagast on the back of the wooden sled. The group looked on to where the wizard had disappeared and Bryn spoke up, “Well, damn that was fast…”

“That’s what she said.” Kendall chuckled, trying to lighten up the situation. But various glares from the dwarves around her prevented her from continuing on.

“Come on.” Dwalin reached out and grabbed the two of them pushing them forward. The group quickly broke into a run as they neared the edge of the forest. It opened up into a wide expanse of rocky grasslands. The group made a run for the nearest outcropping as they weaved in, out and around the boulders as they tried to avoid being seen by the large orc pack that Radagast seemed to be leading in circles.

“He has got to be on drugs. No one has that short of an attention span,” Bryn declared as they hid behind the large rock and Kendall nodded, panting as she tried to catch her breath. “You know you wouldn’t have this problem if you had joined the track team with me.”

The group started running again, only to turn and run the opposite direction when Radagast flew by. They ducked behind another rock formation.

“Fuck you.” Kendall panted as she managed to wheeze out, “And fuck your damn track team.”

Bryn laughed shortly but instantly stopped when Thorin threw her a dirty look. They, quickly, scrambled to the next rock and ducked behind it. But they didn’t dare move because an orc astride a warg jumped onto the rock face above them and sniffed the air, searching for their scent. Thorin looked, expectantly, to Kili then, to her utter dismay, Kendall and gestured to their arrows. Kendall gulped and looked to Kili for guidance. He pointed to himself then toward the ground. Then he pointed to Kendall and toward the sky. She could only guess that he meant ‘I’ll hit low, you hit high’. She nodded at him and pulled an arrow off her back notching it. She looked to Bryn briefly who gave her a worried look before she and Kili stepped away from the rock and let their arrows fly.

Their arrows managed to hit their marks, Kíli’s went through the warg’s eye, killing it instantly and Kendall’s flew straight through the orc’s neck. The two beasts fell to the ground at the company’s feet. And the group let out a sigh of relief.

“ALRIGHT! WOO!” Kendall shouted in celebration then realizing what she had done she clamped her hand to her mouth. Everyone turned to glare at her as they heard howling in the background, quickly getting closer. She gulped and apologized to the group, “Shit. My bad.”

“RUN!” Gandalf shouted. Bryn ran forward and grabbed Kendall’s wrist, sprinting after the surprisingly agile old wizard.

The company ran followed the wizard through a cluster of pine trees, hoping that the small woods would slow up the pack that was storming towards them. But as the wizard led them further away from the Orcs, it became more apparent that he was leading them somewhere. However, it wouldn’t be enough because soon they pinned between a rock formation and the orc pack had managed to catch up to them.

“We’re surrounded.” Fíli announced as he and his brother began to dispatch any Orcs or wargs that dared to come to close to them. He, then, whirled around to face the rest of the group and inquired, “Where’s Gandalf?”

“He’s abandoned us!” Dwalin growled as the Orcs edged closer to the pinned group. But Thorin didn’t appear to be ready to give up that easily as he drew his sword, “Hold your ground!”

The girls and Bilbo were shuffled towards the back of the group as the dwarves prepared to fight off the orc pack. They turned as they heard a shuffling from behind them and saw Gandalf pop up from a hole in the rocks, “This way, you fools!”

Bryn and Kendall didn’t hesitate to follow the wizard as they quickly slid down into what appeared to be an underground tunnel. The dwarves and Bilbo followed suit, not wasting any time as they tried to get to safety. The girls huddled together as they heard Gandalf began to count off the dwarves as the slid down the rock. Just after Thorin and Kíli rejoined the group, the sound of a horn filled the air above them. The thunderous pounding of many hooves followed shortly after and a commotion appeared to be taking place in the clearing above.

The girls let out a startled shout as an orc topped down into the tunnel with them. All the dwarves pointed their weapons at the unmoving body until they were certain it was dead. Thorin moved forward to examine the lifeless creature and frowned as he removed an arrow head from it’s flesh.

“Elves.” He announced as he looked over the weapon, but everyone’s attention was drawn away from their leader as Dwalin announced from further down the tunnel, “I cannot see where the pathway leads. Do we follow it or not?”

“Follow it, of course,” Bofur informed the grizzled warrior as he pushed both Bryn and Kendall to ahead of him. The rest of the company filed in behind them when they saw that they really didn’t have any other choice. They knew that they had to trust Gandalf to deliver them safely away from their foe, but it was uncertain where he was leading them.

The tunnel soon opened up and sun trickled down into the crevice that the pathway had been craved into. Kendall, who was following directly behind Dwalin, began to study the older dwarf. She noticed that he had tattoos inked into the top of his balding head and she could help but comment, “Nice tats.”

The dwarf, merely, grunted not really acknowledging her words. So Kendall decided to press on, “Why did you get them?”

“They are a badge of honor.” He informed her, simply, casting a look back over his shoulder at the brunette girl.

“Really? Are you some kind of war hero or something? Or are you just trying to make the most of your baldness?” Kendall continued to pry as her curiosity managed to get the better of her. She found herself fascinated by him for some reason and wanted to know more about the large dwarf.

The dwarf let out a growl when he heard her ‘bald’ comment. The girl’s chatter now visibly irritating him but he still managed to inform her, “I have fought for my people. But I used to have a Mohawk back then.”

“That’s awesome.” Kendall grinned, even if she knew that he couldn’t see her. She shielded her eyes as the end of the tunnel could clearly be seen.  She felt a small tug on the hem of her shirt and Bryn whispered in her ear, “Don’t go near the light!”

Kendall couldn’t decide whether she wanted to laugh at the blonde’s antics or swat her for making such a stupid comment. But she didn’t have time to act either way because they were soon exiting the tunnel and immersed into the full intensity of the afternoon light once more. Bryn’s eyes were the first to adjust and her jaw fell slack at the sight before her,

“Holy shit.”

The valley was lush and green below them as many waterfalls cascaded down from mountain streams. Glistening above the trees was a beautiful, shimmering city nestled into the cliffs. Birds chirped around them and the sudden peace felt foreign compared to the chaos they had been plunged into before. The dwarves all seemed as equally amazed as the girls at the sight before them but it was Gandalf, who spoke up,

“Welcome to the valley of Imladris. In the common tongue, it is known by another name.”

The girls shared a look as huge grins spread across their lips and they said together, “Rivendell.”


	4. Murder Us Some Chickens, Please

_The valley was lush and green below them as many waterfalls cascaded down from mountain streams. Glistening above the trees was a beautiful, shimmering city nestled into the cliffs. Birds chirped around them and the sudden peace felt foreign compared to the chaos they had been plunged into before. The dwarves all seemed as equally amazed as the girls at the sight before them but it was Gandalf, who spoke up,_

_“Welcome to the valley of Imladris. In the common tongue, it is known by another name.”_

_The girls shared a look as huge grins spread across their lips and they said together, “Rivendell.”_

“Here lies the last homely house, east of the sea.” Gandalf continued as he maneuvered his way up to the front of the group along with Thorin, who didn’t look extremely pleased to be in an elven realm. Dwarves and Elves didn’t exactly get along very well; they never had and probably never would. So for Gandalf to lead a company of dwarves to Rivendell was going to cause some tension among the group. Especially with some of the older one, like Thorin, who immediately charged forward towards the wizard with an accusing tone in his voice, “This was your plan all along.”

Gandalf didn’t shrink away from the dwarf’s voice but instead he stood, firmly by his reasoning, “We need food, for one thing, and some rest in reasonable safety.” The grey wizard, then, turned away from the group and looked up into the mountains above the city, “It is also very necessary to tackle the Misty Mountains by the proper path or else you will get lost in them.”

None of the dwarves argued with his point. They all knew that traveling through the Misty Mountains was dangerous business for anyone, who attempt to across them. They also wouldn’t pass up the opportunity for a good meal and restful night’s sleep. The company had grown weary since they had set out form the Shire. Bilbo seemed particularly eager to venture into the city considering this was his first experience meeting elves even after he had read so much about them in his books. Bryn and Kendall, however, had seen the city before on a television screen but were totally blown away by the magnificence of it in person. They weren’t nearly as exhausted as the rest of the company but they were in dire need of a bath.

“You think that the Elves will give our quest their blessing? They will try to stop us.” Thorin protested as he pushed himself towards the front of the group. The girls’ ears perked up when the word ‘quest’ left the dwarf’s lips. They shared a curious glance because no one had mentioned to them that they were on a quest. Of course, they still weren’t really part of the group so why they would they tell them anything about what they were doing.

Gandalf motioned for the group to follow him as they descended down into the valley as he instructed, “Of course, they will. But we also have questions that need to be answered. If we are to be successful we will need to handle this with tact, and respect, and no small degree of charm, which is why you will leave the talking to me.”

Bryn and Kendall were both, uncharacteristically, quiet as they followed the others down the path and into Rivendell. They were in complete awe of how breathtaking the city actually was. It was way more impressive than either of them could have ever imagined. It actually felt like they were walking in the movie. But everything felt so pure and crisp and fresh, but there a fluttering feeling that flickered through the air. It made the girls feel like there was some sort of magical enchantment floating around them and they weren’t at all wrong. There was magic in this realm but it wasn’t just any kind of magic; it was Elven magic, of course.

The only thing that managed to snap the girls out of their amazed stupor was the stone bridge that crossed over the river-craved canyon between the city and the mountains. But what startled them the most was that there were no handrails on the said bridge. Frantically the girls linked arms.

“Holy shit, we’re going to die.” Bryn hissed looking down, but quickly looked forward having a rush of vertigo.

“But look how far down it goes.” Kendall wondered leaning over slightly peering down into the depths. Bryn jerked her friend upright, “You’re going to get us killed you idiot.”

“You’re so mean to me.” Kendall whined, mockingly with a grin. Bryn glared at her as they continued across the bridge. The girls followed the dwarves off the bridge with a breath of relief and onto a circular platform. Everyone began to wonder around the area trying to inspect their surroundings even closer. But they didn’t have a chance to explore any further because an elf began to descend down the stone stairs at the far end of the platform.

“Mithrandir.” The dark haired elf dressed in a plum robe greeted the wizard from the bottom of the staircase. The dwarves seemed to become immediately suspicious of the taller beings and began to mutter amongst themselves as they watched the elves with mistrust in their eyes. The elf continued to speak in elvish.

Bryn leaned over to her friend and asked, “What do you think he’s saying?”

“I don’t know.” Kendall informed her with a smirk, “Apparently, I don’t speak girl.”

The girls burst out into a fit of giggles, which caused the dwarves closest to them to send them skeptical looks. They didn’t pay them any mind because everyone was automatically put on high alert when a horn echoed through the valley and hooves thundered just off into the distance, steadily growing louder. The company turned around to see a cavalry of elves in armor trotting across the bridge towards them. Sensing that a threat was coming their way, the dwarves began to shout orders at one another and close ranks. Bofur and Dwalin managed to shove Bilbo and the girls into the middle of their armed circle like they were a group of elephants protecting their young. The horseman circled around the mismatched group of travelers causing the dwarves to push closer together, but it was for nothing because the leader cast a friendly smile towards the grey wizard and greeted him, “Gandalf.”

The wizard sent the elf a similar smile of his own as he moved to greet the elf, “Lord Elrond.” He, then, bowed and the two began to converse in elvish, leaving everyone who didn’t speak the language out of the loop once again.

Lord Elrond was quick to get off his horse and made his way to hug Gandalf before he stated in the common tongue, “Strange for orcs to come so close to our borders. Something or someone has drawn them near.” He held up an orc blade wrapped in something similar to a burlap sack to Gandalf before he handed it off to first elf, who had greeted the group upon their arrival.

“Ah,” Gandalf began as he gestured to the group standing in the middle of the platform, “That may have been us.”

As if on cue, Thorin stepped forward from his place between Dwalin and Nori. Everyone held their breath as they watched the interaction between the two leaders. The dwarves were waiting for some kind of insult to be given towards while the girls watched on in fascination because they were in the presence of Lord Elrond. The elf responsible for summoning the council of the ring and creating the fellowship that would set off to destroy it. For them, it felt as if they had entered a movie just to see the elf in persons.

“Welcome Thorin, son of Thráin.” The elf Lord greeted the broody dwarf with a kind expression. The dwarf offered Lord Elrond a small nod before he pointed out, “I do not believe we have met.”

The elf paid no mind to Thorin’s slight hostile attitude he continued on, “You have your Grandfather’s bearing. I knew Thrór when he ruled under the Mountain.”

The girls’ ears perked up when they heard that Thorin’s grandfather had been a ruler of some kind of dwarven realm. This only made them more curious to find out what the quest was about and why the journey was so important to this group of dwarves. Part of them wanted to see where this journey might end, simply because they felt like it would lead them to answers that would help them find their way back to their world. Or they, at least, hoped that they would be able to find a way back at some point.

The grizzly voice of the red headed, Glóin growled and stepped forward after Elrond finished speaking in elvish to Thorin, “What is he sayin’? Does he offer us insult?”

“No, Master Glóin,” Gandalf rebutted the feisty dwarf, “He’s offering you food, clothing, and a place to rest.”

The wizard’s words caused the dwarves to huddle up and discuss the Elf Lord’s offer. But it didn’t take long for them to decide that it was best that they take it as Glóin stepped forward and said, “Ah, well. In that case, lead on.”

The company was led out onto a veranda where a meal awaited them. The girls immediately recognized this place as the terrace where the Council of Elrond had taken place in _the Fellowship of the Ring._ They were amazed at how accurate the movie’s portrayal of this place with a few minor exceptions, of course. Before they were seated, Bofur stepped up to the pair, “Are you lass alright? Ya look like you’ve seen a ghost?”

_“A ghost you say, a ghost may be. She was just like a ghost to me. One minute there, then she was gone.”_ Kendall sang in reply, in rather joking manner before she made her way over to one of the tables that had been set up for them to dine at.

Bofur raised his brow at the remaining girl as if he was waiting for an explanation at Kendall’s odd song. Bryn only shook her head and waved him off, “You could say that this place is very similar to places we’ve seen in our home.”

The miner seemed to accept her lame explanation and marched off to join the others at the tables, who had already began to dig into their freshly prepared salads and fruits. Bryn sighed with relief having felt like she had just dodged a bullet. But as she moved to grab a seat, she was intercept by none other than Lord Elrond.

“Greetings, small one. My name is Elrond and I am the Lord of Rivendell. I believe that I have never met another of your kind before.” He informed her, politely, before he pointed out, “I have known many men before but none have been as unique as you and your friend are.”

Bryn blushed and shifted her feet, nervously as she tried to glance around the elf to get some support from Kendall, but the brunette was too busy eating and joking around with Nori and Kili to notice her silent plea for help. With slight anticipation, she looked back to the elf Lord and informed him, “I’m Bryndle. Yes, I suppose, we are unique being as small as we are. Many have never seen our kind before, we do not normally travel across the sea to Arda.”

“You are from across the sea?” The elf appeared to be skeptical of her but didn’t voice his opinion on the topic, “Well, in that case, why did you and your friend travel so far away from your home?”

“Well, we…” Bryn trailed off, trying to compose her thoughts enough that she didn’t accidentally blow their cover, “We were bored and wanted to see the world beyond our lands. So logically, coming here was the wisest choice to quench our need for adventure.”

“If it is adventure you see, then adventure you shall receive in the company of Thorin Oakenshield.” Elrond informed her, his voice sounded far off and his gaze was vacant, “Be weary, your choices have the power to change the outcome of their quest.”

The elf Lord, then bowed and made his leave of her before, she had the chance to ask him what he had meant. This left the petite girl perplexed and more confused than before. She knew that elves often spoke in riddles, but the ominous tone in Elrond’s voice seemed to carry much greater meaning than she ever expected for it to. After all, she was just a common girl from earth who happened to end up in Middle Earth with her friend after some bizarre incident. She tried to shake it off as she made her way towards the tables to join her friend, but she could still feel them haunting her even above the dwarves’ rambunctious and appalling table manners.

“Hey, where’ve you been?” Kendall inquired from her seat between Bofur and Nori as she poked around at her salad.

Bryn shrugged and shook her head, knowing that this wasn’t the time or place to discuss what Lord Elrond had said to her. She wasn’t even sure if she should share it with Kendall or if it was for her knowledge alone. Kendall raised her eyebrow at her friend’s strange behavior but decided to let it go until they had a chance to get away from the dwarves. She knew that something was bothering Bryn and she was going to find out what even if she had to torture and pry her friend to tell her.

Bryn send a silent pray of thanks to whatever god would listen because she didn’t want to cause a scene in from of all the dwarves and elves. She wanted to wait until her mind had been able to process it more before she spoke of her short but strange conversation with Elrond. After that, she attempted to eat a little of the salad before her, but it only made her wish for something more filling to help settle her nerves like a steak from Texas Roadhouse or something. But she wasn’t the only displeased with the elves’ choice of food as the dwarves picked their own salads apart with apparent frowns.

“Try it. Just a mouthful.” Dori’s voice urged his younger brother to try a leaf of what appeared to be a leak that Ori was inspecting in his hand. Ori pouted and shook his head before he dropped it back on his plate, “I don’t like green food.”

Dwalin would had tore his green apart and clutch about half of it in his large hands looked to the others and demanded, loudly, “Where’s the meat?”

“Do they have any chips?” Ori inquired, hopefully as he looked around to try and find some. Kendall nodded in agreement, having never really liked salads of any kind, “I second that notion. I don’t recall having signed up for a vegan diet when I came here.”

Bryn snorted and shook her head at her friend, “Elves’ don’t eat meat out of respect for the environment and other forms of life.”

“Oh, it wouldn’t have killed them just to butcher a couple chickens for us. Now, would it?” Kendall complained, waving off her friend’s insight because she wasn’t about to look like a fool in front of these dwarves for the second time in one day.

The meal concluded without any incidents and the company was whisked off by several of Elrond’s servants to be shown where they would be staying during their time in Rivendell. At this point, the girls were separated from the men as they were shown to their rooms, which were located in a different wing. A young elf maid led to a pair of hand craved, double doors before stating, “This is where you’ll be staying. I hope everything is pleasing to you. If you need anything, let myself or one of the others know and we will have it taken care of for you.” The elf bowed to the girls, simply before she strolled away as she took her leave of them.

Bryn and Kendall shared a look before they each moved to push a door open to reveal their room. They both blinked in awe at how beautiful it was. Everything was simple and crafted, skillfully. There was a large canopy bed at the center of the room that looked as if it had been fashion from branches and vines. Two armchairs of similar make had been placed before the bed along with a glass table. A marble washbasin was in the far corner of the room next to an elegant dressing blind. The columns and walls looked like they had vines growing up them towards the ceiling along with various murals of forest scenes and elven lore. But what took their breath away more than anything else was the huge bay window the encompassed the entire back wall of their room. Peering out of it, they could almost see the entirety of Rivendell from their room and it was even more breath taking as the sun began to set, basking the city in purples, reds, and oranges.

After they had taken in the beauty of their room, Kendall turned to Bryn, “So what had you so spooked during dinner? You didn’t hardly talk at all or eat for that matter.”

Bryn inhaled, deeply as she thought of a way to best phrase her experience, but she settled on, “Elrond spoke with me.”

“Elrond? As in the Lord Elrond. The one who’s in charge of this place?” Kendall inquired, her eyes wide in shock having been taken back by her friends disclosure. Bryn, simply, nodded to confirm it, “The very same.”

Blinking, Kendall’s jaw dropped even further before she recovered, slightly, “Dude, no wonder why you didn’t say anything. I wouldn’t know what to say after an encounter like that.”

Bryn nodded in agreement once again before she revealed, “Yes, but don’t worry. He doesn’t know. He’s suspicious but seemed to expect that we were just travelers from a far away land across the sea.”

“Well, that’s a relief.” Kendall sighed, wiping the faint sweat off her forehead with the back of her hand, “What else did he say?”

Bryn opened her mouth and then closed it before sitting down in one of the armchairs to collet she, unsure of the best way to tell her friend just exactly what the elf lord had conveyed to her. Kendall folded her arms over her chest and waited, as patiently as she could for an answer until Bryn decided to share with her, “Elrond believes that our choices will affect the outcome of the company’s quest.”

“Our choices? Really?” Kendall dismissed her friend with a wave, “We don’t even know what this quest is about and he thinks we can change their fate?”

Bryn shrugged before pointing out, “Well, they could’ve been eaten by trolls if we hadn’t helped them out.”

“You mean my wits helped them out.” Kendall reminded as she sat down opposite of her blonde friend. Bryn rolled her eyes and before she glared at her friend, “If it hadn’t been for me, you would’ve done nothing. I, simply, gave you the encouragement to do what you do best. Which make it my idea.”

“Whatever.” Kendall rejected, but didn’t have a chance to argue further because there was a small knock that sounded on their door.

Bryn sighed and got up from her seat to go see, who was there. She figured that it might’ve been Bofur or Nori stopping by to check on them, considering they were the closest to the girls. But to her surprise, it wasn’t one of the dwarves. It was the company’s burglar.

“Bilbo?” Bryn inquired with a raised eyebrow, “What are you doing here?”

The hobbit looked around, nervously, before he looked at the petite girl in front of him, “I-I wanted. I-I thought that- That I would see what you knew of the quest.”

“You mean the quest the you, Gandalf, and the dwarves are on?” Kendall questioned, having hopped up from the bed when she heard that the Halfling was the one at the door.

Bilbo looked around before he nodded, “Yes.”

The girls shared a look before they pulled the poor hobbit into their room. Kendall was quick to lock the door behind them. They didn’t want anything to interrupt Bilbo as he spoke to them.

The three outcast of the group stood in the center of Bryn and Kendall’s as they listened to Bilbo spill the beans about the dwarves’ quest. He recounted how he had been chosen by Gandalf to be the Company’s burglar but he didn’t really want to be. But the Tookish side of him wouldn’t let him ignore this opportunity so he went on this unexpected adventure to help the dwarves’ reclaim their stolen kingdom of Erebor from a huge dragon called, ‘Smaug’. After that, he began to babble on about some of the thing Bofur had went describing the beast and how it caused him to faint, but the girls had other interests.

“So you’re telling us, the dwarves are going to reclaim their stolen kingdom from a dragon?” Bryn inquired with a skeptical look on her face.

Bilbo nodded before he elaborated, “Yes, Thorin is heir to this kingdom and it’s his right to reclaim it. They are doing it now because of a prophecy that said the time is right. They have a key and a map to a back door that would allow them to sneak into the mountain.”

The girls shared a look before Kendall spoke up, “Which is why they have you? You’re going to go find out if the dragon is alive or not and how much gold is down there.”

Bilbo, visibly paled at her statement, but nodded all the same, “Yes, I’m afraid that’s what I’m here for. And to get them whatever jams they might get themselves in suppose.”

The girls looked to one another look. When they had found out they were in Middle Earth, they hadn’t expected to be on a quest to reclaim some long lost kingdom from a fire breathing dragon. Sure, they figured it would be something noble like the quest to destroy the ring, but they hadn’t expected a real live dragon to be involved. That was way cooler than going to drop some ring into a volcano. They were going to a real life, fire breathing, man eating dragon. That was something they never thought could or would happen to them.

“I’m afraid. I don’t know what else to tell you since I don’t know much more about it myself.” Bilbo informed the girls, awkwardly and breaking them from their train of thought. Bryn and Kendall, both nodded in understanding as Bilbo began to make his way to the door, “Don’t tell anyone I told you. Please, I’d rather not have to face the fury of Thorin.”

“You and me both, buddy.” Kendall agreed as she closed the door once the Hobbit had exited the room. Her eyes were wide and her grin almost sparkled in the candlelight as a mischievous look took over her face, “OH MY GOD!”

“I know.” Bryn agreed, breathlessly. Her legs had been trembling since Bilbo had first told them about Smaug. She wasn’t nearly as gung-ho about this as Kendall was.

“Dude!” Kendall exclaimed as she jumped around the room, “We’re gonna get to see a real life dragon. Not some made up one.” Kendall could hardly contain a squeal of excitement as she thought that possibility.

But Bryn was quick to rein her back in, “Dude! We haven’t even been invited to go with them. Remember? They agreed to take us to the closest town. They are gonna leave us here and go on their merry way.”

Kendall paused, she hadn’t thought about that. She had assumed that if they won over some of the dwarves and they had, that they might be able to accompany them. There was nothing else; she’d rather do that go with them on this quest. So instead of caving into her friend’s words, she decided to look more positively on it, “Logistics.”

“Kenny, do you really want to fight a dragon?” Bryn inquired with a are-you-sure-you-want-to-do-this look on her face.

Kendall rolled her eyes at her blonde friend as if it was obvious, “Duh! I mean, come on, Brynnie. This is our one chance to see a mythological creature and you don’t wanna try to go.”

“I’m just saying I’d rather not take a chance on getting barbecued.” Bryn admitted, knowing that she was much more a coward than her friend was.

“Well, if I go. Are you going to stay here with the elves?” Kendall question, as she tried to lure her friend into wanting to come with her. She knew that they were going to need each other if they were going to survive this world and make it back to their own.

Bryn almost looked applaud by the thought, “Hell no, you’re not gonna leave me here alone. I’ll come with you if I have to.”

Her words caused Kendall to grin with a triumphant look on her face, “Good. Now, that that’s settled, let’s get some shuteye. We’ve got some dwarves to start convincing tomorrow.”

The blonde only rolled her eyes at the brunette but didn’t say anything to argue as they blew out all the candles and stripped down the bedding before climbing into bed. It didn’t take long for sleep to find the girls because they passed out almost as soon as their heads touched the pillows. The past couple days had been a huge surprise and culture shock for both them. Neither of them had expected to wake in Middle Earth, stumble upon a company of dwarves, and almost get eaten by trolls, chased by orcs, and end up in Rivendell. With all the events that had taken place, their bodies were exhausted and in desperate need of a good night sleep. Whatever laid in the path ahead of them couldn’t be tackled the next day.


	5. Increasingly Awkward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING! Double Post! Go back a chapter!

“God, where is everyone?” Bryn asked. “This is the last time we fall asleep without checking in first.”

The pair had slept in much later than they had intended to, but at least they were well rested and more relaxed than they had been before. It was by far the best rest they had gotten since they had popped up in Middle Earth and sleeping in was worth it. However, when they had woken up this morning, they had no idea where their companions might be. So now they were left with the task of tracking them down.

“I don’t know but let’s find them quick before Bilbo corners us again to mope about the trip.” Kendall replied as the two quickly made their way out of the building they were staying in.

They walked around as they searched for the dwarves, stopping once to ask an elf if they had seen them. They were pointed off in the direction the dwarves were last seen. They could hear them before they could see them, their raucous laughter echoing off the stone statues throughout the garden-like area. The girls rounded the corner but stopped immediately in their tracks. Standing in front of them were twelve, naked and very wet dwarves. They were all joking around as they attempted to climb out of the fountain they had been supposedly bathing in.

“OH MY GOD!” Bryn screamed covering her eyes. Kendall stood there slack jawed and wide eyed. All the dwarves instantly seized up and turned to face the two. The elder dwarves had already been half dressed, but some of the younger ones were too in shock to do anything other than attempt to cover themselves. Ori dove back into the fountain and went under the water until only his eyes and nose were showing. Kíli, however, just stared, shocked at them he didn’t make a move to cover himself. Unlike his brother who was, awkwardly, walking to his pile of clothes trying not to expose himself.

Kendall looked up and down at Kíli. “Two hands there, sporto.” He shook his head and instantly put his hands down his whole body turning bright red.

“Kendall, stop looking.” Bryn hissed as her face morphed into a bright red tomato while she subtly peeked through her fingers as she managed to catch a glimpse of Fíli’s buttocks as he turned away from them to pull on his pants.

“Fine, we’ll let you guys finish your business. Sorry to interrupt your guy time.” Kendall said, trying to sound disappointed as they turned around. “See you all later.” She said, waving as they walked away.

“Did you really have to look?” The dwarves could hear Bryn shrieking at Kendall as the pair retreated from view. At this point, the men’s heartbeats were finally beginning to return to their normal paces.

“It’s not like you didn’t see it too.” Kendall said their voices trailing off.

Bryn huffed and sent a pointed look at her friend, “Well, at least I shut my eyes.”

Kendall rolled her eyes and shook her head at the blonde walking beside her. But then, she paused when a thought came to her and a wry smile blossomed on her lips, “Riigghhhtt, that’s exactly what you did.”

“What? I didn’t see anything,” Bryn defended herself even when she knew that she was doing a very poor job at it.

Kendall snorted, “Okay, go head and try to tell me that you weren’t peaking through your fingers.”

“I- I did not!” Bryn blushed, hating that she was such a bad liar and she hated that her friend knew her so well.

“LIAR!” Kendall accused as the girls made their way back to their rooms, “You were totally peaking.”

“So what? I’m human.” She admitted, knowing that denying it would only drag this out longer than it needed to be and she desperately wanted to forget most of what she had just seen.

Kendall rolled her eyes and shook her head once more at the blonde, “Yeah, well, so am I. I have needs. So why don’t you get off your high horse and stop getting on me for doing something that was only natural.”

“You didn’t have to be so obvious about it.” Bryn hissed as they entered their room and flopped down onto one of the chairs in front of their canopy bed.

“Well, I’m sorry I was caught off guard.” Kendall huffed as she fell onto the bed itself.

Bryn waved off her friend, “That’s an excuse.”

“But did you see Kíli’s package… DAMN SON!” Kendall fanned herself off as she thought about the handsome, young dwarf and the things she would do to his body alone.

“Did you see Fíli’s ass?” Bryn gushed, joining in on Kendall’s hen fest.

“More like dat ass.” Kendall pointed out, which caused both girls to burst into fits of laughter. Bryn nodded in agreement her eyes tearing up as she laughed, “I’d smack that.”

“ _Shake that ass for me. Shake that ass for me._ ” Kendall belted out causing Bryn to fall from her chair and roll around with laughter.

They continued to laugh at the expense of their dwarven friends until a knock came from their door. Getting up off the floor, Bryn tried to straighten herself as moved to answer the door. She opened the door to reveal a dark haired elf maid on the other side.

“Lord Elrond wishes you to join him along with your other companions for dinner this evening on his terrace.” She stated, simply her hands folded, neatly in front of her, “If you wish, I can have a warm water drawn so that you can bathe before you join the others.”

The girls looked one another and cringed, slightly as they noticed just how disheveled they were before Bryn nodded and said, “Yes, that sounds like heaven.”

The elf maid nodded and moved into the girls adjoining bathroom to draw them water for their baths. Once she completed her task she left without another word. Kendall leaped from the bed and ran into the bathroom before Bryn could even think about moving because she knew that the blonde would take forever if she went first. She managed to wash up fairly quickly and was out in almost no time. When she emerged from the bathroom, Bryn ran into the room and slammed the door. Kendall was happy to find that elf maid had returned with clean sets of clothes for them to wear and wasted no time in changing into them.

After what felt like forever, Bryn emerged from her bath looking as fresh as a newborn baby and probably smelled like one, too. She moved to change and then they were finally ready to join the rest of the company for dinner with Lord Elrond.

“Did you have to take so long to have a bath?” Kendall asked, “We’re late for dinner.”

“I’m sorry if I wanted to procrastinate so we wouldn’t have to see them all so soon. I don’t think I can function after seeing Bofur’s penis.” Bryn admitted as shiver ran down her spine.

“Awe and here I thought you wanted his ‘D.’” Kendall said laughing as they continued to walk to where the dwarves were having dinner.

“I want his hat not his ‘D.’ Must you bee so crude about everything?” Bryn said trying to withhold her smirk.

“Pretty much, yeah.” They made their way to the dining area just as the dwarves broke out in laughter at Kíli’s expense. They looked curiously at each other before shrugging and sitting down at the spaces left for them. At their entrance most of the dwarves sobered up and turned red. Bryn and Kendall both began to snicker when they noticed their companions’ reactions. The one, who was left out of the joke, was Bilbo, but he was almost certain that he didn’t want to know what had happened to cause the dwarves to turn so red and the girls to snicker.

“So what did we miss?” Kendall inquired from her seat next to Dwalin and Nori, neither of whom looked extremely pleased about the seating arrangement.

“Ah nothing much, lass.” Bofur was the one who spoke up, “Just havin’ a laugh at Kíli taking a shine to elf lads is all.”

“So you like to sword fight, eh?” Kendall joked, sending a wink his way, which caused Bryn to snicker from her seat between Kíli and Bofur. The later of the two was opening his mouth similar to a fish as he tried to protest,

“I thought he was a maid- I didn’t know.”

Bryn chuckled at his feeble protests, “Whatever you say, brosif.” Kíli threw her a sour look, but she ignored him as she snuck a glance at the other table to look at Fíli.

The table fell into uncomfortable silence as everyone picked around at their plates with dissatisfied looks on their faces. Even, Bryn and Kendall didn’t appear to be extremely happy with the meal in front of them.

“I don’t know about you. But I’m getting tired of all this vegetarian food.” Bryn groaned, “I miss the food from home.”

“What kind of food do you, lasses, have back in your home?” Bofur inquired through his full mouth.

The girls shared a look before Kendall spoke up, “Well, we have a lot of foods like you guys do. But we have stuff like pizza, which is a pie only with tomato sauce covered with cheese and meat. It’s heavenly.”

“Oh, don’t forget about ice cream. It’s divine.” Bryn interjected as picked a piece lembas bread with disinterest.

“But you can’t have it, so why would you miss it?” Kendall inquired from across the table.

“What do you mean you can’t have it?” Kíli inquired as his curiosity got the better of him.

Bryn glared Kendall, who had just inadvertently opened whole other can of worms as she informed them, “It makes me sick. Anything dairy does.”

“Well, that’s unfortunate.” Bofur stated, still munching away at his meal, “Cheese is great.”

“I KNOW!” Bryn groaned as she slammed her forehead against the table in frustration.

Everyone jolted at the bang the resounded and several elves moved to see if the strange blonde girl was all right. But she waves them off, “No, no, I’m fine. I was just being overly dramatic. J-just go back to whatever you were doing.”

Kendall couldn’t help but snicker at her friend as Nori began to complain about the harp music that was being played around them, “Tune it down, why don’t you? I feel like I’m at a funeral.”

“Funeral?” Óin interjected, as he stuffed a piece of cloth into hearing trumpet, “Did somebody die?”

“Alright, lads, there’s only one thing for it.” Bofur declared as stood up and proceeded to climbed upon dais in that had been placed between the two tables where he proceeded to belt out,

_‘There is an inn, there’s an inn,_

_There’s a merry old inn_

_Beneath an old grey hill,_

_And there they brew a beer so brown_

_That the Man in the Moon himself came down_

_One night to drink his fill.’_

The dwarves joined either singing or throwing food at one another, which was apparently rather normal habit for them.

_‘Oh, the ostler has a tipsy cat_

_That plays a five-stringed fiddle;_

_And up and down he runs his bow,_

_Now squeaking high, now purring low,_

_Now sawing in the middle._

_So the cat and the fiddle played hey-diddle-diddle,_

_A jig that would wake the dead:_

_He squeaked and sawed and quickened the tune,_

_While the landlord shook the Man in the Moon:_

_Its after three he said!’_

An awkward silence set in after all the dwarves ceased their yelling and hurtling of food, which seemed to be a universal signal that dinner was now over and the group could go on their merry way for the time being.

The third dinner the company shared had ended as blackness began to slowly consume the sky above. The elder dwarves left one by one to head to bed until only Fíli, Kíli, Bofur, Nori, Ori, Bryndle, and Kendall were left. The younger members of the company were far too worked up to turn in just yet. Nori, being the criminal that he is, opened his jacket and passed bottles of wine around to everyone left in the group. They slowly began to sip on the sweet liquid, until Bryn jumped up and turned to grin at Kendall who was making faces at Ori, the latter desperately trying to escape her gaze.

“Kendall! Where are the cards we made earlier?” Bryn asked, excitedly. Kendall took her fingers out of her mouth and looked up at the blonde.

“On the table at the end of the bed, why?” She asked. All eyes were on the girls now.

“Because we’re going to teach them how to play kings.” Kendall grinned at her and nodded. Bryn put down her drink and ran from the terrace.

“What’s Kings?” Kíli asked putting his bottle down as well.

“It’s a drinking game.” Kendall said with a smile. Bryn and Kendall had gotten bored earlier that day and wanted to play cards to pass the time. But without having cards of their own, they had been forced to put their heads and skills together to make a deck to play with. So with thick paper, a quill, one of Bryn’s daggers, and a little bit of artistic skill had made their own playing cards. Kendall was especially proud of her friend for suggesting Kings because she knew that Kings was Bryn’s drinking nemesis. They all awaited the small girl’s return. Not five minutes later, she returned in a flurry just as Kendall was attempting to teach the rules to the dwarves.

“Alright let’s get this party started!” Bryn declared, sitting down across from and began shuffling the cards to make for a more interesting game, “Everybody get in the circle.” Fili and Ori were the first to move and chose to sit on either side of Bryn while Kíli and Nori flanked Kendall. Bofur then wormed his way between the two brothers and sat himself down.

“Okay who wants to go first?” Kendall asked as she shuffled a little more after Bryn had handed the deck over to her and set up the game.

“I will, for demonstrational purposes.” Bryn offered before she leaned forward and picked up a card. “Six is for dicks!” she shouted. The dwarves all looked confused.

“If you have a penis you have to take a drink, and judging from one of our earlier encounters, all of you do.” Kendall explained to them with a sly grin. After they all took a swig, Kendall pointed at Fíli. “Fíli’s turn.”

“Um, alright.” The blonde brother reached forward and took a card. “I got a nine.” He said showing the card to the girls. They grinned at each other.

“NINE BUSTA RHYME!” The girls chimed in unison. “You pick a word and we go around the circle and everyone has to rhyme, if you repeat or can’t think of a word you have to drink.” Bryn explained. Fili looked to his little brother, who shrugged his shoulders.

“Fine, floor.” Fili began.

“Door.” Bofur followed, taking a swig, obviously not caring about how much alcohol he consumed when he was playing a drinking game.

“More?” Kili said, hesitantly, unsure if his word counted, but when no one told him to drink he relaxed a little bit.

“Shore.” Kendal rhymed, effortlessly.

“Store.” Nori turned his head toward his younger brother, who sat staring around the circle.

“D-door.” He stuttered, slightly overwhelmed by the rapid words being fired off by the other participants.

“That’s already been said, ya idiot.” Nori scolded, thumping him on the back of the head. “Drink.”

“Nori’s catching on.” Kendall pointed out with a grin.

“Ah, it’ll be my turn now.” Bofur stated as he reached to pick up a card. He looked at his card before announcing, “Seven.”

“Seven Heaven.” Bryn exclaimed as she thrust her dainty index finger into the air. Kendall and the other’s fell suit, but unfortunately for Ori, he didn’t move fast enough. “Drink again Ori.” Bryn urged, pushing his bottle of wine toward him as the others laughed at his obvious discomfort.

“Kíli’s turn.” Bofur stated as he once again took another swig of his wine. The dwarf in question leaned forward and flipped over a card.

“Two is for you. You get to pick someone to drink.” Kendall informed the youngest dwarf. Kili, then, turned to her with and impish grin and pointed to her. Kendall rolled her eyes and pulled the bottle to her lips, not breaking eye contact.

Once she was finished, she put her bottle down and grabbed a card. “King, so I get to make a rule.” She put her finger to her chin in thought. “You have to make eye contact with someone when you drink, or else you have to take another shot.” Bryn groaned at her friend in annoyance she hated that rule.

Nori then reached forward and grabbed his own card. “Ten?” He asked looking to Kendall.

“Ten is categories, pick a category, everyone says something, no repeats.” Kendall clarified. Nori took a moment to think.

“Types of axes, battle.” He said then turned to his little brother.

“Hatchet?” Ori says unsure. Everyone shrugs and looks to Bryn. She scowled before lifting her bottle up to take a drink and attempted to look the tipsy Bofur in the eyes. Ori grinned, glad that he didn’t have to drink, but the grin slid from his face when he noticed it was his turn. Hesitantly he reached forward and picked one. Silently, he showed his card revealing an eight.

“Eight is for mate. Pick someone to be your drinking partner. Every time you drink they have to drink as well.” Kendall stated. Ori and Bryn flushed a light pink when the young dwarf pointed to her. The other dwarves began to laugh loudly.

“Fancy yourself a lass, do ya?” Bofur teased the young scribe as he took yet another drink. Bryn, subtly, looked at Fili out of the corner of her eye, to see him laughing along with the others at Ori’s red face. The game continued on with all parties getting more and more inebriated. The dwarves, quickly, got the hang of the game and Ori, eventually, loosened up with the large quantity of alcohol that he consumed. The game took a turn of hilarity when Nori drew a Joker. He looked questioningly between the girls.

“That’s the joker card, you can dare anyone to do anything.” Bryn informed the group as her words slurred slightly.

Kendall decided to clarify some boundaries for the group of rowdy dwarves, “Within reason we can’t have anything harmful happen, like jumping off a building, or something.”

Nori looked around the group a couple times before landing on Bofur, who was obviously the drunkest of them all. “Go behind that pillar over there and strip down and put that damn hat on your privates and come back to the game.” The thief gestured to the ridiculous hat that seemed to never leave Bofur’s head (Unless Bryn stole it from him, of course).

With a shrug, Bofur pulled himself up and waddled to the pillar where he began throwing his clothes every which way before coming back with just his hat and a grin. Fíli and Kíli laughed, heartily but quickly moved over when the miner made to sit back down.

“We see you naked far too often, Bofur.” Kendall half-groaned as she tried not to focus on the mostly naked dwarf.

But Bofur didn’t seem to mind all that much as he sent her a wink and suggestive grin, “You can see it anytime you want lass.”

“Now, Bofur, we need to protect the poor maid’s innocence.” Kíli leaned in and wrapped his arm around her, “You can’t be exposing yourself like that all the time.”

Kendall looked up at the side of his face. Quickly, she leaned forward onto her knees and licked the side of his face, stopping near his ear. Her actions causing Bryn to face palm because she now new that her friend was feeling the full effects of the alcohol if she was going to start licking people. The blonde also knew that it was only a matter of time before things got out of hand.

“I’m not that innocent.” The brunette whispered into the dark haired dwarf’s ear, which caused his eyes, widen and his body to stiffen before he turned to look at her with a shocked expression on his face. She sat back and grinned up at him, “I like to lick people when I’m drunk.”

Kíli leaned back startled, his eyes darkening slightly. He stared at her intensely for a moment. Kendall met his gaze and winked at him. Her confidence was much stronger thanks to the alcohol in her system and if they had been back in her world, she probably wouldn’t have been able to stop herself from perusing him.

“Be careful she likes to bite, too.” Bryn warned with a giggle from across the circle as she watched her friend make eyes at the dwarf.

“Is she always like this when she’s drunk?” Fíli inquired from his spot next to her as he, too, watched Kíli and Kendall. The way he said it made it seem like he was concerned for his younger brother’s wellbeing, which Bryn thought was rather sweet of him. But she waved him off, “Unfortunately, yes. But she’s usually harmless. Usually.”

When Kendall’s and Kíli’s little staring contest was becoming a little too uncomfortable for rest of the group, Bryn took it upon herself to be a cockblock for the sake of getting on with the game, “ORI’S TURN!”

Her words were enough to pull the two out of their own little world, even if she did earn glares from both of them. She felt like she was doing the rest of the group a service by breaking them apart.

The rest of the game seemed to flow smoothly as dwarves got into it even more now that there was some rhythm to it and they didn’t have another stall until the next Joker card, which was drawn by Bofur. He grinned toothily around the circle swaying slightly in his seat. He had since put most of his clothes back on, albeit haphazardly but at least on his body. Bryn who had forgotten the last head the hat was on had taken it from Bofur and wore it on her head. The group just laughed, but wouldn’t tell her why. Finally after a moment of deliberation Bofur pointed to Kendall.

“I dare you…” He zoned out for a moment, swaying backwards, before shaking his head and turning back to look at her. “I dare you to go lick an elf. Ya said you like licking things.”

“How bout I just bite you. You heard Brynnie dearest. I’m a biter.” Kendall argued, snapping her teeth together like a piranha.

Bofur shrugged and then pointed to Kíli, “Go bite him, then. He’s already got your saliva all over his face.”

Kendall shrugged, before sitting up on her knees and shuffling forward so she was facing Kíli. She pushed his chest making him fall back and forcing him to catch himself on his hands. He looked up at her astonished as she crawled to his lap so she was straddling him. He leaned back so he could place his hands on her hips. She placed her hands on his shoulders and leaned forward until her lips were pressed against her neck. She, then, used her teeth to bite his flesh and licked it with her tongue. His grip on her hips tightening as she continued the assault on his neck.

“WHOOP, WHOOP get it gurl!” Bryn shouted, once again breaking them apart. Kendall attempted to climb off of him but he held her still.

“Alright, Kíli, I think that’s enough promiscuity for one evening.” Fíli declared, as he got up from his spot beside Bryn and to pull Kíli’s hands off Kendall, before he picked up the drunk brunette and placed her on the ground next to his brother. After that he turned to seat next as Kendall began to drunkenly sing,

“ _Promiscuous boy, You already know that I’m all yours what you waiting for? Promiscuous girl, you teasing me, I know what you want and I got what you need.”_

“DRINKING SONGS!” Bryn shouted, pointing her finger in the air before she looked to her friend and began to bounce in place, “Kendall! Let’s sing Piano Man.”

“We don’t have a piano.” Kendall pointed out from her spot in front of Kíli, who was still staring at her and breathing rather heavily.

“Well, get the violin.” Bryn suggest before turning to the master thief in their midst, ”Nori, go steal a violin.”

At his confused look, Kendall decided to clarify for her friend, “Fiddle, it’s a fiddle.”

He shrugged and walked off. Not five minutes later, he returned and handed a fiddle to Kendall.

“What’s this for?” She asked. He grinned at her and laughed.

“You, my fine female, are drunk.” He said, taking a swig of his almost empty bottle.

“No shit.” Kendall said. Bryn perked up, “Hey, you have a violin!”

“Fiddle.” Kendall corrected her once again.

Bryn ignored her and persistently, demanded, “Play Piano man.”

“We don’t have a Piano.” Kendall repeated, trying to make the fact clear to her obviously drunk friend.

“Shit. Play it on the fiddle.” Bryn slurred as she unconsciously leaned into Fíli, who’s face turned bright crimson with the contact.

“Good thinking.”

The group of dwarves sat back and laughed, with the exception of Ori, who had passed out in the corner. But they didn’t attempt to join in on the conversation that the girls were having. No, they found it much more entertaining listening to them try to figure out what they were going to do.

“You realize this is going to mostly be acca-shit, acca-ca-ca, Fuck it, without music?” Bryn nodded, absently as Kendall raised the fiddle. It took her a moment to set the fiddle between her shoulder and her chin but once she did, she settled into her normal routine. She moved the bow across the strings and started the first few notes. Bryn began to sing loudly, and slightly off key.

_“It's nine o'clock on a Saturday_  
The regular crowd shuffles in  
There's an old man sitting next to me  
Making love to his tonic and gin

_He says, ‘Son can you play me a memory_  
I'm not really sure how it goes  
But it's sad and it's sweet  
And I knew it complete  
When I wore a younger man's clothes’”

Both Kendall and Bryn belted out the chorus in unison.

_“Sing us a song you're the piano man_  
Sing us a song tonight  
Well we're all in the mood for a melody  
And you've got us feeling alright”

As the sun broke through the clouds the next morning, it bathed the Elven city in it’s warm rays and life began to bustle about once more. The sleeping party on the terrace began to stir as the bright morning light fell upon their faces, but it was not enough to rouse them. The group didn’t even move when a silent group of elves weaved between them and set out breakfast for the rest of the dwarven company. They were dead to the world around them and as they should be after they had stayed up late into the drinking and singing songs.

 

The group, who remained had remained on the terrace after they had finished with their merrymaking because they had been far too drunk to attempt to walk back to their chambers. Fíli and Kíli leaned against the stonewall of the terrace, shoulder-to-shoulder with their heads lolling onto their chests. Ori was curled up in the fetal position with Nori using him as a pillow. Nori’s feet were propped up on Bofur’s chest as he lay upside-down, half on, half off a stone bench. Bryn, still adorning Bofur’s hat, lay with her head in Kendall’s lap curling in on herself. Kendall lay haphazardly sprawled across the terrace limbs askew with one foot on Fíli and the other on the bench next to Bofur. Making it look like she drunkenly fell off and didn’t move.

 

Balin and Dwalin were the first dwarves to walk in on the scene. They paused not sure what to think, but knew Thorin would be in a sour mood if he saw the group. Balin made to move forward but his younger brother put up a hand to stop him. Balin gave him a curious look when he saw the mischievous grin upon Dwalin’s face. As quietly as the large dwarf could manage, he walked over to the table, picking up two pitchers of water before turning toward the sleeping mass. Without a sound, he poured the contents all over the group, laughing as they sat up shocked and screaming.

The group glared up at the older dwarf and struggled to their feet. Kendall and Bryn grabbed their heads and leaned on one another as they made their way to the table. Soon their friends who, by the looks of it, were not hung over joined them. Balin and Dwalin sat down at the opposite table still laughing, mirthfully.

“Ugh, keep it down, why don’t you? Some of us don’t have the metabolism of dwarves.” Bryn groaned, staring at the bowl of fruit in front of her. But didn’t have it in her to eat, let alone move.

“Then maybe you shouldn’t have tried to outdrink Nori.” Bofur said piling food on his plate.

“What?” She asked, in her mind still clouded from the alcohol as her eyes wondered around the terrace.

“Yeah, that was right after Kendall mauled Kíli.” Fíli elaborated with a laugh before his eyes strayed to his brother’s neck, “Oh look you left a mark.” He didn’t hesitate to expose the mark even further as he pulled at his brother’s collar, who looked anywhere but at Kendall.

“I DID WHAT?!” She screamed before she, frantically, looked up at Kíli’s neck to see a large, angry looking, purple hickey standing out against his tanned skin.

Bryn groaned and covered her ears with hands as she rested her forehead against the table top, “Ow, goddamn it. Not so loud.”

“I don’t remember doing that.” Kendall whispered, mainly to herself. Surely, she would’ve remembered doing something like that to a man who looked like Kíli. Even if she was drunk, she would’ve remembered that happening.

“I do, and I don’t want to because all I remember is you straddling him and then I couldn’t see past your ass.” Bryn mumbled, taking a drink of water after she forced herself to sit back up.

Kendall felt her face flush from embarrassment before she looked across the table at Kíli, who appeared to be just as red as she was, “Oh my God that is so embarrassing, I am so sorry. I’m just very forward when I’m drunk.”

“Forward, lass, you were downright brazen last night.” Bofur corrected her, causing her to flush an even deeper shade of red.

Kendall leaned back, stared up at the sky and pleaded to the heavens, “God, please, kill me now.”

“I’ll kill you if you don’t quit talking.” Bryn muttered, darkly, gently dropping her head to the table once more, which caused the group to laugh, heartily at the petite girl’s expense.


End file.
